OOTD: Opening Up in Cozy Nautical Knit and Knee Boots

An OOTD, but really, a little about me and what I’m actually experiencing.

Ok, so I’m just going to come out with this. I am seriously, the biggest that I have ever been. Like EVER. In my life. And I’m not hiding anymore.

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Backstory: I was in a pretty bad accident over the summer and suffered a TBI. I fell from the top of a clip-up ladder, flipped upside down and landed ~6′ down onto the back of my head onto concrete. In a single moment, my life changed drastically and everything was impacted – my family, my career, my daily life, even my psyche. Ever since, I’ve been in a state of…I don’t know…devastation(?) trying to recover. Just wanting to push to continue operating how I used to, and getting frustrated when I don’t.

Relative to some, I am lucky. It could have been so much worse. But I lost a lot of what made me me. Like my ability to multi-task. Or process and remember things that people tell me. Or be in loud restaurants, hang out with friends, go to concerts, dance with my husband, or even catch a movie. Or just to live a single moment without intense pain. I feel like through all the devastation and no-kidding torture level pain, I sometimes forget who I was before – a girl with a sense of humor, adventure, and passion. One silver lining is that my ability to read came back relatively quickly, and maintaining this blog has been one of the only productive things that I was allowed (and happy) to do.

So I have been silently recovering while being tortured by hanging out with a laundry list of MD’s, PCP’s, RN’s, MLT’s, and PhD’s. A lot of my previous joys in life have been absent, including fitness. It’s been almost 5 months of the doctors instructing me not to engage in any physical activity beyond walking to allow my brain to rest. And did I mention I’m a total foodie? Bad combo.

But here I am. I am alive, and I have to start taking joy in that. I have to start remembering that just because the sunlight is incredibly painful to my eyes doesn’t mean I shouldn’t remember to enjoy how it feels on my skin. I must focus less on the pain in my head, and more on the warmth of the hugs from loved ones, the phenomenal taste of coffee, and the feeling of success when I make strides to improve.

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So this is me celebrating me as I am, with the cozy Autumn outfit that makes me feel good…absolutely imperfect and trying to be good with it. Eventually, the weight will shed off again. I will become healthier. I will eventually be allowed to workout. I will someday complete another triathlon, and nothing will feel sweeter than crossing that finish line.

I just hope the future skinny-again version of me always remembers this moment in which I finally accepted that what happened to me does not have to define me. That the old me is worth fighting for, but I have to be OK with whatever parts of her I am lucky enough to get back. And I should still find and appreciate the beauty in my less than perfect, recovering form.

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Sweater: Trina Turk // Denim: 7 For All Mankind // Boots: Børn // Sunglasses: Marc Jacobs

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22 thoughts on “OOTD: Opening Up in Cozy Nautical Knit and Knee Boots

  1. You look great to me. I hope you’ll see that too. It’s great that you find solace in blogging. Keep it up and good luck with your recovery. It’s all baby steps, right?

  2. Although often easier said than done…Yes! You are beautiful and there are still many joys with only more to come! Be blessed and keep blogging! It has its own way of offering healing and strength!

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about your TBI and glad it was not worse. You look beautiful and just lovely. Do not worry so much over weight. I’m older than you, and when we get to a certain age, we’ll almost all definitely weigh more than when we were 20, and that’s OK. ( I still weigh my peak weight in college, but when I was at my heavier weight, not my thin thinnest.)

  4. […] Then I got injured. Like, badly injured. TBI injured. Life stopped injured. When the accident first happened, little did we know how bad things would get. I was grasping to get back to work. When life knocks you down, you get back up, right?! On day 1, I wasn’t able to walk. Day 2, I was inching my way on short trips by hugging the wall and taking baby steps. By day 4, I was out of the hospital. The doc told me based on my amazing rate of recovery, I should be all better within a month. That didn’t happen. In fact, it was a long, slow downward spiral. Which leads me to…. […]

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